Remember how I said I would be back? Well, I had indeed meant I would be back in the arting. I have been trying to maintain a steady schedule of at least doodling every day. However, since my last post in March I have been dealing with a storm of negativity. I could honestly say I have been dealing with a shit storm of shit...on top of shit.]
Firstly not long after the journal I made on my birthday, was it on my birthday? I'll have to check. Basically I found out one of my cousins had been badly injured. As in he doesn't walk anymore, and while he was in surgery he had flat lined. Which was beautiful, and although I wasn't particularly close to that cousin, I am close to his mother. So I was scared for her, she's a good person. Next, I found out the day after my birthday my uncle had passed away. Which hurt. He was an amazing human being. He was honestly decent. He had given me a chance, and let me work at his wood yard and manage his office for a couple years. He gave me some of the best advice and some of the most productive critiques I've ever gotten. From there it was just a downward spiral, watching my aunt seemingly waste away in sorrow and mourning. Then a new neighbor moved in and wanted to start a lot of drama. Which had been productively growing in aggressiveness. Now all this, I have been dealing with without the presence of what I would have called at one time my 'best friends'. Which was just a glorious to add a little bit of abandonment to.
Then came the tire slashing and the efforts to get me kicked out of my home. Again, the neighbor. Which was lovely.
Now, I am dealing with something that has, and will literally chance my life in either good or bad way. My grandmother, who has been the pillar in my life. The person I draw my strength from and the woman who had taught me how to draw in the first place is now dying of lung cancer and given a time limit to her life. I can't even honestly comprehend how all of this is reality. How does all this really happen...in real life? How does this all really actually happen in such a small span of time? I'm still trying to wrap my head around weather all this is real, how is all this bad stuff really happening to my family right now?
I wish I was making this up, and was fucked up enough in the head to do so. But I'm not.
But yeah, that is why I haven't updated since my last journal. I will be back though. I know my grandmother would want me to keep drawing. I'm not giving up on something we loved. I want to stay in the clubs I'm in. So I ask a small amount of kindness. I'm going to be back, because for me this is normalcy and means happier times.
But I just thought I would update in case.
Listening to: Avicci- Wake me up